Living with Independence…

When i lived at home..home with family, home with home cooked meals, home with my blue car, home with my friends, home with the tea shop…i felt i didn’t have enough. I wanted independence. Independence, to live life on my own terms, do what i liked, go where i wanted, meet whom i wanted, night outs and parties, money and freedom to shop till i drop, eating out, watching movies, and a career which would make me live life king-size.

To strive for this independence, it meant moving away…moving away from all of the above, moving to a new place with a new home. I did it….i manifested it…and today i am independent. 

I live in an apartment, with small rooms and smaller bathrooms…i live in a town which never sleeps..i live in a world where everyone has come together to build their independence. This place is my new home now…This place is Mumbai.

It seemed so inviting and exciting, from far..when i strived for this independence, but now that i am here, i cant help but feel, that i wish i had not moved with the idea of being able to have freedom of having fun whenever i wanted. i wish i had moved with the intention of making an independent life. Many people move out with the reason to not only have independence financially, but also to have independence from their homes, their parents, their restrictions. But Independence really means, to be able to earn your own living, and then live your dreams, and fulfill your desires, your goals and support and take care of those loved ones that you have come away from. It is important to realize this…sooner than later, that when you embark upon the journey to freedom…you embark upon a journey full of responsilbilities. To be independent is to be able to be responsible for your own self..entirely.

I have realized this…after being away from my home…as i sit here writing, i miss my room, i miss my annoying lil sister, i miss my mother’s lectures, i miss my dad’s concern, i miss my friend’s warm hugs and teashop chats..i miss driving…i miss the life that was so carefree, comfortable, because everything was taken care of – from my food, and clothes to my demands for freedom! i was free..even when i was home. i was independent even when i was home, but it just never striked me. Maybe this was meant to be…for me to move away, manifest my dreams, in order to realise and value what i took for granted. It was meant to be, for me to realize, how to value money, how to stay healthy, how to cook my meals, wash my clothes, how to sit here all by myself….and still not feel lonely :-)

This is living with independence…learning to live with myself.

-S

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