Thealchemyofdesire's Blog

Denial…

Shruti Bansal — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 02:49:25 +0000

Have you ever been in a phase where you know somethings exist but you can’t seem to accept or action them…that is a state of being in Denial. It is perhaps the most beautiful state to be in..yes..sounds weirdly wrong but its true. Its beautiful because you know if you want you change it around within seconds but the excitement of always wanting the uncertainty alive, you let it lay low..you don’t express it, you don’t trouble it. Its like knowing you can create but you let your mind keep jabbing at its edges, wanting it to reinvent again and again..until you reach a point of saturation that this is it, its done, its made..and now I just need to let it out, I need to actualize it. This state of mind can also at times just let you be in a comfort zone, where it stops you from making any efforts and in that case it just makes you lazy and crazy. But if we did not want this, we could just be living a routine. Do you want to live a routine or live unpredictably? Some food for thought I guess…

- S

Free From Freedom

Shruti Bansal — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 05:19:44 +0000

Ever thought when you need to communicate the most, its usually when you are in pain. That pain is irrelevant in comparison to worse things happening in someone else’s life yet it holds so much significance in your own life as it makes you feel you are not alone.
I have nothing to complain about except that I am seeking freedom from freedom.
Freedom is a universal desire and to be free is a personal need. Free from the thought of wanting freedom is seldom achieved. The key is detachment.
How do you detach without feeling a sense of loss?
I hope to answer this question soon…

why be afraid…

Shruti Bansal — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 16:30:43 +0000

Breaking Dawn – A thousand Years – Christina Perri

Heartbeats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I’m afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What’s standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed that I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

I don’t know about you…

Shruti Bansal — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 18:26:34 +0000

Strange as it may sound, when you say you don’t know about someone, it has many connotations to it. One would be that you knew and got disappointed, one would be you really don’t know, one would be you would like to know, one would be you are afraid to know..and lastly one could be..you wish to know more At some point everyone of us has used this statement for one of the above reasons. For me as well, I may have used it for all of the above reasons but at this point..the last reason is the closest to my heart. I don’t know about you : I want to know you more…I want to know if what I feel is real or imagination…I want to know if you would like to know me as well..!
How do flow when you feel a tingle and have to gather all your will power to not reveal what is in your heart. Yet it feels so peaceful and calm. This phase of exploring and solving mysteries is a process which enriches your experience of being who you are from within..it makes you feel powerful and in control..and then again you want to loose control..strange..isn’t it?

I don’t know about you…:)

-S

Posted by Shruti with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Let’s dance :)

Shruti Bansal — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 13:17:23 +0000

On the onset of navratri I embark upon another shift in my life and lifestyle.
And this time its very personal.
God gave me a year to explore myself, and now its time…to live life outside the bubble. The time is just right, it is the time of Goddess Durga; the symbol of power. As I sit upon my blue couch one last time within the exclusive space, and type these words, I can feel the feeling of farewell inside me and surprisingly its not painful anymore. There is a sense of calmness and composure. I had my time, I had my chance, I made it beautiful, as much as I could. I learnt a lot more about life alone, in company, with enemies, with strangers, in happiness, in sorrow and in shifting. And now it doesn’t seem to matter.

And even more surprisingly, I have no regrets. I have no grudges. I only possess loving memories of my life here. It was just amazing.

But you have to move on…from everything at one point. People, places, and moments as well.

I dedicate a song on this occasion –

Lets dance
Haule haule
I wanna dance
Haule haule

Jabse dekha hai tujhe,
dil mera kho gaya
Hua bekaaboo mai toh,
mujhe kya ho gaya
Ho kya ho gaya mujhe,
chaahoon main chahoon tujhe,
Ho kya gaya hai mujhe,
Haule haule

Lets dance
Haule haule
Dance tonight
Haule haule
Mujhko kya hua!

Haule haule

- S

Light Painting!

Shruti Bansal — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 13:24:23 +0000

Realized after painting every corner of the gurgaon house with a pin-hole torch, how much passion went into making it a home.
Now when the time has come to part ways with it, it feels worse than being separated from a boyfriend!

My roomie and a sister to me…dedicated a song to me on this occasion:

“Miss You”

Forget your problems
Lay it down, they start up
The innocence of what you are is what I want
I’ve ran my colors dripped down and drained out
Tried a million things, but my heart’s been shot

Well I hope you try to find me, I’m all spun and pacing
I know what you want to say here, so say it
Forget the words speaking
Just want to rearrange so I’ll just say it

I really miss you, miss you, say
Smile at the chance just to see you again
I really miss you miss you say

Beat stroking this like
The wrong things that I think are right
I never knew I could go as far as this
I took a problem recently forgotten
I know who I had been before I slipped
Oh, I want to change it
I will live a life that makes you smile
When I’m done here and long gone
Feverish and peaking, just wanna see your face
what you say?

I really miss you miss you say
Smile at the chance just to see you again
I really miss you miss you say
So Look at me now
Before I walk away
You might just miss me miss me one day!

—————————————————–

wish i could rewind just some parts of the crazy times we had here

- S

Hope springs

Shruti Bansal — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 09:43:18 +0000

It was the summer of rainless july, when i discovered that i was clinging on to hope more than reality.
Reality was becoming foggy and unlike the early winter mist it was accompanied with staleness…

BLAH

Shruti Bansal — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 07:01:52 +0000

Waking up with the vision of your eyes looking at me with blankness, a smile creeping up on your face with no significant meaning, some words being said that blurr away almost instantly…are reasons for me to move on without looking back. I cant help but accept, it is these very insignificant nuances that keep me standing still…still as an anchor to a huge ship, still as the silence within me that wants to break open and create earth shattering noise…why…why…why…did i not move? I would gladly survive with the beautiful meaningless memories of initial moments. Why don’t the memories stop there? And then they resurface as reminders of frustration, only to be let out in utter coldness. An apology to the outburst will not eliminate the wish to be desired. Absorbing myself in this music. Being invisible is not the best solution, but it is not an escape either. It is part of the Catharsis…time alone is invaluable. I let you go because I had you, I had you because I never cared who else did. -S

Ye Raat Ruk Jaaye…

Shruti Bansal — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 10:49:27 +0000

ye raat ruk jaaye,
baat tham jaaye teri saanson mein,
khwaahishein jali hain lamhon mein,
khud ko jalaa doon teri aahon mein.

jaane kya hona hai kal,
aa zara kareeb,
jo pal mile naseeb se…use jee le ab tasallee se.

kaash ye sab ek kaash mein hee reh jaaye,
jab hum hain humsafar,
to kehne mein kyun itna dar,
hosh mein kyun aayen hum abhi.

jaane kya hona hai kal,
aa zara kareeb,
jo pal mile naseeb se…use jee le ab tasallee se.

-S

Proof enough?!

Shruti Bansal — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 07:41:46 +0000

So I waited for you
What wouldn’t I do
And I’m covered it’s true
I’m covered in you

And if I ever want proof
I find it in you
Yeah I honestly do
In you I find proof

Light and dark
Bright spark
Light and dark
And then light

So I waited all day
What wouldn’t I say
And are there things in the way
Things happen that way

Oh and if I ever want proof
Then I find it in you
I honestly do
In you I find proof

-S